Especially When Played By Brad Pitt In A Tuxedo Dept.: A fine typo in today’s spam — “The initial symptoms for Anthrax are cold and flu. In order for Anthrax to be treated, ANTIBIOTICS MUST BE ADMINISTERED BEFORE ANY MORE SERIOUS SYMPTOMS OCCUR,
OTHERWISE, DEATH IS ALMOST EMINENT.” Note to self: Be on best behavior when meeting Joe Black, as it were. In other news, I’m dealing with the wonders of air travel Thursday for the first time Since. Vegas oddsmakers report the following:

– Odds of AG dying in horrific terrorist attack: 10000000000:1

– Odds of AG’s beloved laptop dying at security check due to rough/incompetent handling: 5:1

– Odds of one of AG’s five pieces of electronic equipment dying at security, as above: 1:2

– Odds of AG exercising a First Amendment right at the wrong National Guardsman and missing her flight while her friends scramble to make her bail: 8:1

– Odds of AG starting the flight worrying about terrorism, spending the flight worrying about civil liberties, and ending the flight worrying about the lack of circulation in her legs thanks to nasty economy seating configurations: push.

Russ Feingold, as mentioned below, was the sole Senator familiar with the Constitution and the history of our country when the USA Patriot Act came to town. Here’s what he said to try to breathe some sense into his sorry-ass colleagues. Wisconsin readers should be very proud of this guy.

And another fun subversion: Two guys have copyrighted the “melody” of every possible touch-tone phone sequence and are threatenng to charge royalties every time someone dials the phone. It’s a lampoon of the sad state of international copyright law, in which one’s DNA can be copyrighted by someone other than the person defined by that DNA. (Did you know I cpuld patent your DNA? You don’t mind, do you? I’m afraid I’m going to have to charge you royalties every time you grow a new eyelash or whatever, but the law is quite clear on my rights in the free market.)

Back to lighter fare. Want to see a really funny slap-fight between censoring organizations of different stripes? Read this Slashdot summary and the attendant links to catch up on the battle between SafeSurf (the censorware organization) and MAPS (the anti-spam organziation). My verdict: MAPS is a tiny bit less annoying than SafeSurf, but a pox on both their houses nonetheless, and thanks to all for the good laugh.

The USA Patriot Act (HR 3162) passed the Senate 98-1, so there’s your privacy rights out the window. (No worries, your elected officials threw a few passages from the BIll of Rights out there to keep ’em company.) 98-1. 98-to-fucking-1, with only Russ Feingold standing up for democracy and Mary Landrieu presumably hanging her head in shame on behalf of generations to come. (Shame. US Congress. Huh. I made a funny.)

Does this make anyone feel better, knowing that the government now has unprecedented powers of surveillance and no reins on it to speak of? (What, the Supreme Court? You’re on crack. Or did you miss that “election” last year?) Seeing members of the National Guard stationed in airports makes you feel more secure about flying, as long as they’re watching out for People Like Them? You’re willing to undergo a little inconvenience for a little safety? Fuck you. This is the government you’ll get — government by thugs with guns — and I’m beginning to think it’s the government you deserve. I don’t think, however, that I did anything to deserve it. Thanks a bunch. Enjoy your police state.

It has come to my attention (hi Tim!) that I’m being awfully obscure lately. (It has also come to my attention that Jerry Falwell supporters read more slowly than normal folk, but let’s not get into that here.) Sorry about that; I’m blogging really erratically, and post-9.11 I’m kind of overwhelmed with extra reading. The BS flies low and high and altogether too fast for me some days…

So. In the interests of being less obscure and posting something spiritually uplifting and sharing some of my cooler reading with y’all (because that’s why I’m blogging, right? even when I’m being obscure?), I recommend for your Web-surfing pleasure this story. Enjoy!

Take The BinaryFreedom Challenge: Are you old enough, geek enough, and humor-enabled enough to enjoy this?!

Contrary to what you may have heard in the newspapers and from Entertainment Weekly, I have proof that irony is not in fact dead. If irony had really died on 9/11, the entire staff of YIL would’ve instantly disappeared up its own a****** at the earliest possible staff meeting.

Or, put another way: I need a job where they care as much about selling the reality as they do about selling the joke.

Not a fun day today, in an entirely mundane fashion.