If You List Closely You Can Hear That Character On The Simpsons Who Says Nothing But ‘What About The Children” Dept.: Various sportswriters are pissing and moaning about David Wells being either half-drunk or severely hung over (depends on where you started listening to the damage control) for that perfect game. A few thoughts: 1) anyone who thinks that’s deviant behavior grew up too upper-middle-class to be allowed to look directly at Boomer, much less judge him; 2) the guy linked above needs to hit the library more often, as he’d then realize that in this world there are children’s books and adult books, and Davey wasn’t fixin’ to write Goodnight Moon here; 3) self-medicated pitchers are a grand American tradition; 4) if these bozos could write the columnist equivalent of a perfect game (what would that be I wonder?) at the mere cost of a few brain cells and a few more drinks, there wouldn’t be an unopened bottle of gin the length or breadth of the country.

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