Hey! HEY! Christmas is coming, right? Hanukkah? Or you wanted to get me a housewarming gift or something? (Hell, get me a house. Don’t have one of those yet, heaven help us all, especially the poor guy at CIA headquarters who’ll have to talk me out of striking a small camp on the lawn here in northern VA.) Anyway, this is both lovely and tasteful, and I would be sure to send you a very nice card.

Salam Pax lives! Hurray!!! He’s managed a huge amount of writing during his offline time; as ever, entirely worth your time. (And not only for the phrase “the sex life of palm trees makes me weep,” though that’s certainly a draw for the rest of us hay-fever sufferers.)

AAAA! Here I am packing up my whole foolish apartment and I never find anything like this laying around. And who is this father of two who send these on their way back to the publisher and yet was not ripped to shreds by an angry mob of two?!

Hi, media-and-entertainment industry? This is the entire rest of the world calling. Please be advised that on this end of the line, nobody knows or cares about Tina Brown. She may be the biggest potential-employer cheese in the universe to you, but to us she’s just another middle-aged blonde lady in suits. Ergo, we will not be watching her talk show, especially if she’s going to be saying things like “when I opened the door of the green room and saw him sitting there on his cellphone vibrating with contrarian vitality and unpredictable views, I felt completely unhinged” which by the way sounds vaguely dirty. Thank you. That is all.

Well! Just in case you were worried that Hillary Rosen was going to get bored, what with leaving the RIAA and all — no, she seems to be setting herself and her clients past and future up comfortably.

Not to take anything away from my immense respect for the mother of this deeply stupid girlie (madam, the entire nation nods as you declare your daughter a ‘brat’) I have to ask: Why on earth was the family hauling a 20-year-old on a cruise she clearly didn’t want to take or appreciate? Is she that rotten, that they didn’t dare leave her onshore?