Question: If someone can cook up women’s shirts that announce which Sex and the City character one fancies oneself to be, why can’t we get men’s shirts that identify which one they think they ought to be dating? After all, guys who fancied Charlotte probably ought to come with orange vests and eartags, so why shouldn’t someone make some money there? (To answer the obvious rejoinder: No, of course not. I doubt there’s even a full list for Samantha’s. And the Chris-Noth-character shirt is just too frat-rat-chic for serious consideration.)

Oooh, Mel Gibson’s father is an evil old fart. Wonder how he’s going to blame the devoutly-to-be-wished backlash on the “worldwide Jewish conspiracy?” (Clearly never spent ten minutes in a room with members of my tribe; as they say, “Where there are two Jews, there are three opinions.”) Also, while we’re here, perhaps one of these nutburgers could explain how the Vatican 2 reforms, which I understand to have been given all or in part ex cathedra, are not to be followed? Are they only compelled to listen to the Pope when they like what he’s saying, like the part where Mel Gibson says his wife is going to hell despite the sainthood-inducing task of putting up with Mel and her father-in-law? (Yes, ladies, maybe she does tape his mouth shut around the house. Though I think he’s just generally kind of icky, so for me even that wouldn’t do the trick.) (UPDATE: Two lightning strikes, a woman dropping dead at a screening, and now the Number of the Beast appearing on show tickets — Gibson’s down with the mammon on this one, but you have to ask yourself if he is in fact mentioned by name in Revelations. It’s certainly starting to look that way.)

Yeah, right. Nothing to do with anything, Coach Osborne. We love you, but do you honestly think we think you’re oblivious to what this looks like? (And also, heh.)

Meanwhile, ABC News has named the guy who judged th Best In Show at Westminister their Person Of The Week. Weird choice? Take a chance and read the interview. It’s really charming, and Mr. Yamada’s comparison between judging a dog show and managing an engineering project is geek joy.

A-Rod and the Yankees? Yeah — not only was it inevitable, given the goiterous growth that the guy’s salary has become on the Rangers, but God wants to give the BoSox a preview of this year’s smiting. I like that. As I was telling someone at work, I’m always in a better mood once the pitchers and catchers gather to kick off Smiting Season.