Danish researchers have announced that not only should you not spank kids, you mustn’t scold them either. That might harm them. Of course, on the Upper East Side we’re well ahead of the curve and one sees this kinder, gentler parenting constantly — you’re in a restaurant, little Grayson or Lilibet is running around throwing food and assaulting other patrons, and Mumsie or Pa-Pa looks up periodically from the mobile phone to murmur “Darling, no, mustn’t do that, please.” The success of this approach to raising Manhattan’s children is well documented. (Translation for the sarcasm-deficient: Give me a fucking break, and spare me the scions of this kind of broke-ass wussy upbringing. I have met the adult results of this puddinheaded nonsense and without fail they have a knack for inciting coworkers and classmates to want to give them a long-overdue smackdown. In saner news, turns out that high self-esteem ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. Quick, tell the Danes!)

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